Unannounced hiatus over! If you’ve been reading this blog for awhile, you just deal with my unexpected bouts of flightiness, but… I don’t know, if any of you were like, “WHERE IS VULPI’S BIYUUDEN POST?!”: um, sorry?

The two reasons for my existence as a Hello! Project fan? Yes.

In particular, I really wish I could just pull it together and write a big post about them and their disbanding. Part of my brain is still refusing to believe it, even though I saw it coming from a mile away, because I adored them. I know I’m the only person that’s reacted like this, but to be honest, they were my girls. Performances like this are, I think, what I’m going to miss the most; that, and the amazingly talented Miyoshi Erika, who we may not see for a long time. I’m getting really mushy and weird here already, but she is the only idol that has ever affected me on a personal level: I want to be like her when I’m older. I want to be that gorgeous, that together, to have her kind of nonchalant attitude and dry wit. Hell, I even cut my hair to be more like her, and I don’t pull that kind of shit. She was the essence of a graceful lady and a grown adult in the idol world for me, and for someone as unready to become that as myself, I honestly can’t look up to someone who gets their “cute” vote from being super youthful and completely irresponsible (sorry, Sayu! it just doesn’t work in the real world!). She was refreshing to me — I’ll really miss her.

And yes, her performance of 22sai no Watashi kills me for exactly all of the reasons listed above. But enough about me and my strangely emotional reactions towards a unit that was basically the Hello! Project embodiment of “tits or GTFO”!

Buono!. Believe it or not, they have earned my love. Renai Rider is wonderful; it manages to be the perfect throwback to golden era Morning Musume while still keeping the group’s own distinct image intact. Tsunku himself hasn’t been able to do this in a long time, which is really unfortunate, as this song didn’t involve him at all. Moving on, it’s also a big improvement since Honto no Jibun, which I’ve already expressed my distaste for. The song holds my interest and doesn’t make me feel like I’m a child. Athena to Robikerottsu, however, is doing that part quite well! Blech. Get out of my sight.

Berryz Koubou. Not feeling the love for Dschinghis Khan quite yet. I’m feeling the love for the song, definitely, and the arrangement is spot-on (welcome back, DANCE☆MAN!). But I don’t get any kind of wacky, fun vibe from it at all. Everyone just takes their lines so seriously. It’s too bad.

However. The full tracklist is out, and the B-side, Darling I Love You (Berryz Koubou Ver.), is nothing I can seem to track down in Hello! Project’s discography. Do you know the artist of a song I did find by that name, though?

THE HOFF.

Yep. David Hasselhoff. Oh, we’re going there, bitches! I, however, am a firm believer that I Wanna Love You Tender should have been the B-side. It’s perfect! Can’t you just envision Miyabi doing the girl’s parts? I THOUGHT SO.

Cute. Just so you know, I am so done with the hyphen and whatnot. It all bothers the hell out of me. The real news: La La La Shiawase no Uta was released as a radio rip today, and… and I like it! Well, it’s Hirata Shouichirou. I would totally be his crazy groupie, given the chance. The song itself was absolutely not my cup of tea when I heard it at Kouhaku, but with all the excess noise and voices out of the picture, I’m very happy with it now. I’m praying that Hirata keeps working with the girls, because, since Tokaikko Junjou? They’re perfect together.

Miley Cyrus?!. It’s true! I can’t get See You Again out of my head. Also, I’m hooked on her slutty MySpace antics. I love an amusing celebrity! Anyway, shit, the whole blogosphere is probably going to lynch me. My best friend Leslie said, “Oh, she’s just being Miiiiillley~”

Watch, I’m going to have missed something. ASKLDHGS kill me now. I’ll never go on hiatus again…!

You know, I woke up today and realized that I had completely neglected Buono! in my last post. I don’t really think that badly of them: to be kind, Honto no Jibun is kind of crap, but I like the vocal combination of Airi, Miyabi, and Momoko, and I’m very into Renai Rider, from the radio preview I’ve heard. They’re more in the “doing it right” camp of Hello! Project’s anime endeavors, at least.

However, ambling over to the computer, what is this I see? That single I just trashed will, apparently, be getting a US release!

But wait a minute. Source? My kingdom for a source? … Didn’t think so. Currently, Lurking In The Shadows has the most reliable information, and while we may get other details as more people pick up on this (I haven’t been looking around for other related posts), I don’t quite buy it — not yet. And, as well, I don’t see why it’s the big deal that people are making it out to be.

Yeah, I understand that a lot of people love them some Buono!. I’m not really one of those people, but I consider them a fun group, and I’m definitely into their blog. But will this really be a milestone for Hello! Project? I suppose it will, in some way, as it involves three of their idols. However, this unit is still under Pony Canyon, away from Tsunku and every one of Hello! Project’s staff. These girls have become something a little different in their time away: the equals they were when they passed the Kids auditions together, self-reliant entities who don’t have to rely on the image of their agency quite as much as they used to, and also, hard-ass, punk bitches who wear shirts that say things such as “rock like fuck.” It’s true!

But I’ve also seen “drug dealer” and “that woman is a virgin” on the T-shirts of UFA’s clients before, so maybe that last part would be right at home with them.

And it’s not only that. I’m sorry to certain naive people that thing this is the start of some big revolution (a love revolution?! see my above thoughts on labels and ponder this for yourselves), but I don’t believe that we will ever, ever hear Honto no Jibun on the radio. Their singles won’t chart. They won’t perform here beyond some anime conventions, and even they may not want, or be able, to take them. It really just depends, and ultimately, I think that their singles, so long as they keep working with anime, will be on the shelf at my local Suncoast, just like that KOTOKO album I mentioned getting in my last post, for people who want to buy them. I can’t see any of them on the shelves at Target.

So… I dunno. We’ll have to see. However, if I can do Buono! cosplay and have other people recognize it, that’s totally a selling point to me. And if I can do Buono! cosplay in front of, you know, Buono! themselves, that’ll rock.

Like fuck.

Ha ha ha.

This took a lot longer than I would’ve liked, and I imagine everyone forgot about that little “More details at 11:00!” message I left in my last post, so here’s the context:

But I’ve been dabbling in some beautiful music recently (I’ll document that in the next post!), and it’s so frustrating to amble back here, see a raving and entirely serious post about how Hello! Project is epic greatness, questioning, “Why have more people not fallen for these talented girls’ charms?!”

Looking back at it now: Wow, what a glaring grammatical mistake. How did I miss that? Eh, I was tired. Our topic today is I’ve Sound! The discussion at hand…

Anime Music & How to Do It Better Than Hello! Project

Everyone got that? Okay, take notes; there’ll be a test.

First, a note to UFA. The proper way to go about doing songs for anime is to get in and get out. Do you know why I’ve never heard a single person talk about Kirarin Revolution besides Kusumi Koharu’s releases for it? Or Robby & Kerobby? Maybe because the latter is more directed towards young children, but I’ve seen series like the former go over excellently in the English-speaking anime world, and this one, from what I can see, is a total flop. No, the reason is because you’ve put your mark all over it, and for people unacquainted with Morning Musume, it is extremely off-putting. Honestly, even I don’t want to watch it because I’ll hear Koharu and not Kirari. I mean, I know we gaijin are so far away that we don’t really matter to you, but your complete lack of sense in the anime department makes me want to tear my hair out. So, here are some people you should pay attention to!

I’ve Sound, or I’ve, is “a Japanese techno/trance music production group based in Sapporo, Hokkaido.” Thanks, Wikipedia! I can take it from here. As you can read in more depth there, they began by doing songs for various visual novels (I’ll sum it up: romantic and frequently erotic games played by people that can be likened to 2D-digging wota). Their name, for this reason, traces back to aibu, the word for “caress.” They gained a significant following and finally released their first compilation album because of this. They would go on to release many more, and I’d really like to get them, but, um, anyone want to donate some money for all the lovely articles I give to you? …No? Shucks. Okay.

Making up I’ve are several girls, though the “official” (KOTOKO, Shimamiya Eiko, Kawada Mami, etc.) and not “sometimes” (Lia, Ayana, etc.) I’ve girls could probably only put together one Morning Musume. I believe all of them except for perhaps Utatsuki Kaori, their most recent member, actively contribute to the production of their music, giving them each a well-defined image; of the two I know the most about — I’m still a little new! —, KOTOKO seems to favor a more rock edge to her personal sound, while Shimamiya Eiko, in both music and lyrics, is very in-tune to nature and obscure, foreign cultures. KOTOKO is definitely the most popular, most likely due to her overflowing discography, appearances at conventions, and even American-released albums. They have a whole stack of her first album at Suncoast, with romanized track names on the back and everything! I bought one!! Still, she is probably my least favorite of the girls, as I’ve never been able to get into her voice. I’m all over Mami and her scary teeth. See, there are definitely idol-like things to love in them!

I’ve is known for their brand of what they call “low trance,” and if you think Perfume is heaven to listen to, try them on for size. They seem to be exclusively funded by features in anime and games, and yet, unlike Hello! Project’s often weak, mindless contributions to the anime world, they have never once dumbed their music down to fit in. Of course, their audiences right now are very different, but if UFA would just look back to Tanpopo’s Last Kiss for Orphen, I wonder if it would make them realize that anime can be, and largely is, more than just for children.

These three were my favorites when I was watching anime on a regular basis and would hear some of their songs in the ones I followed. They’re very much fan-favorites, as well, so they’re all good examples. PVs used where possible, but in other cases, I’ve opted for the game versions because they’re longer than an anime’s standard OP sequence.

1. Lia, Tori no Uta

I assume it’s pretty much impossible to have watched this series or be into I’ve without thinking this song is the shit. Like, if you proposed that kind of idea around a bunch of otaku, you’d be beaten to death with their life-sized Kamio Misuzu pillow. (She’s the main heroine. I… Okay, I know I shouldn’t be making otaku jokes when they’re going to fly over a lot of people’s heads. I’ll stop.) I fell in love with this song at first listen and played it and played it and played it, and, as you can see, now I’m disillusioned. But the main idea of that sentence is that it was the most beautiful song I’d ever heard featured in an anime at that point, and, in a way, it still is. This piece is a good indication of the level of quality you can expect to find in songs produced by I’ve; not to say that they’re all perfect, but songs they make for anime/games are usually some of their most top-notch work. As I mentioned above, Lia isn’t one of their usuals, but she’s gained a huge following since this anime, and I definitely think that they owe a lot of their exposure to her.

2. Ayana, Last regrets

I have the weirdest love affair with this song. I consider Ayana to have one of the weaker voices of the artists I’ve has worked with, and yet whenever I hear one of her songs or watch her perform, she captivates me. Of course, I don’t think a “weak voice” is too terrible when it comes to the I’ve girls, as they’re all crazy talented. She has a lot of stage presence, and it helps that I consider her to be very beautiful, another sign of my subconscious fighting back to its idol instincts. XD But moreover, the music is simply brilliant, and there’s no version of it in video format that can really show off what an amazing piece it is. This trailer for the 2006 remake by Kyoto Animation is the closest I think it’s ever come to highlighting the most epic part of the song, but I may be biased, because I got really attached to the story itself, and the visuals combined with the music from the original game are always enough to bring me to tears. I think this is something that I’ve is perfect at doing: creating a song, putting themselves and their personal trademarks into it, and then putting just enough of the product they’re making it for to really make it a part of that story. Personally, I saw this the most in Futari wa NS, with the dynamic between Koharu and Mai’s characters, but none of Hello! Project’s other anime pieces strike me that way.

3. Shimamiya Eiko, Higurashi no Naku Koro ni

This song isn’t as “Eiko” as her other works, but that’s to be expected, as it was made with the game-turned-anime of the same name in mind. The PV, which was far more atmospheric and well-made than I was expecting, definitely reflects the story (OMG SPOILERS!!!! — oh, wait, you’re not going to watch this, anyway), but it’s still able to function as its own separate entity. People raved about the song, and when the anime started to go completely downhill, this was the only thing that saved it from being a total mockery. Like I said, I almost feel bad comparing Hello! Project to things like this because they’re such completely different beasts, but scrolling up to look at my other two examples, I feel like they could do that so easily. No, they couldn’t contribute to 18+ games, but they could find other anime with the romantic sort of plot you would see in any adaptation of those games. Matsuura Aya would have such a field day with a song like Tori no Uta, it gives me chills to imagine, but instead, they give her a delayed single that, most likely, no one will care to buy even when it is finally released? They could be doing so much better than they are.

Get in, get out, get gone. Do not hang around to supervise. Do not have your idols, who, in the case of doing OP and ED songs, are essentially singers, voice act. There are professionals for that, and they’re ten times more believable than Kusumi Koharu screeching as a way of showing any kind of exaggerated emotion. Don’t make units for the sake of reflecting the anime, don’t overrun it with all your little talents, just stop. Let it breathe and let it grow. It’s not yours, you didn’t write it, and you’re really not helping. At all. I’m not really an anime person anymore, but even I know when you’re hurting the poor things, and honestly, you might be hurting yourselves in the process.

Or: I Kind Of Wish I Could Get Excited Like This About Idols Again

This has been weighing on my mind a lot lately, and I’ve given it some thought. Probably not enough to even make a dent in the issue, but I’m gonna try! The “issue,” frankly, is the over-praise of Hello! Project. … I know this is mostly only coming from one person (hey, Radicalpatriot!), but it still bothered me. :(

Morning Musume is excellent. Hearing them for the first time, I was entranced: it was so unlike anything I’d ever seen or heard before. However, that “seen,” when I got down to it, really came first. So, so many girls. Wow. And when you get used to that, and the poppy music, and the silly costumes, and everything that Hello! Project is made of, you just see more of the same. Because while we saw something unique and interesting, maybe even downright amazing, Japan thought, “Eh, they’re still holding up after ten years?” and continues to sigh as they see more and more cute, energetic girl groups try to sell.

They’re idols. They may sing well, and that’s pretty much a bonus. Maybe they’re an exceptional dancer? Just a nice little something extra. Are they pretty or at least unconventional? This is the basis of it, yeah, but we’re not quite there yet. If they have “charm,” that certain something that sets them apart or captures a heart in an instant, that’s what will define them as an idol and ensure their success. Their music will propel them into the public eye, but they, themselves, are the actual product.

And that’s why I hate people who are too harsh on them for their musical failures, be it singing, dancing, or whatever else you do up on that stage. That’s the point. You’ve got to love them despite that. Convert to Sayuism and learn this the easy way.

Like I said, music is a part of it, and some awesome music has come out of Idol Land. But when it comes to Morning Musume and friends? How much thought is going into the music when all you can do is sigh at the group’s past three singles, roll your eyes when another puts out a “best collection” that could be better described as their full singles discography, and continue to watch the entire company party the hell out of their tenth anniversary because those classic songs are all they really have left to their name? The idea is to look at the pretty girls. Then, if the song is tolerable, you put it on your iPod and squee over your pretty girl of choice’s lines and how many of them she got, since that’s apparently a big deal.

I don’t know, maybe writing this is revealing too much of how done with this entire thing I am, rather than actually being competently persuasive. Or whatever I’m aiming for. But I’ve been dabbling in some beautiful music recently (I’ll document that in the next post!), and it’s so frustrating to amble back here, see a raving and entirely serious post about how Hello! Project is epic greatness, questioning, “Why have more people not fallen for these talented girls’ charms?!”

Because, in a lot of cases, the girls can’t sing. Because the music leans towards generic at times. Because it’s weird. It’s just not really a musically acceptable medium, and personally, I can’t understand why people don’t get that. It’s not like I feel ashamed for liking them, because I really don’t, and I think Hello! Project itself is an awesome thing. But I’d feel hella embarrassed if someone went on preaching about their greatness to some Regular Joe and expected him to be enraptured.

They’re idols. Love them. Squeal over them. Buy their merchandise. And enjoy the music, too, because it’s there to be enjoyed! Put it on repeat and have a grand old time. But don’t put it up on a pedestal, because, to be honest, that’s what the girls themselves are made for. And really, if it’s going to be anything, make it something other than Jump. I can’t stand that song.

I cleaned up a little; deleted some entries and made some pages (one of which is for organizing the entries I kept; the other is the standard “about” page). Yeah, I get weird about the new year. The important part, though, is that the sidebar isn’t so very long anymore! You could get lost in there. …However, there were no bodies. Rejoice.

Um, that’s it. Regular posts soon… later… whenever.

It all started with a discussion on how Risako and Miyabi should fuck off!

Yoshimi: God, Maa needs a PB.
Vulpi: I would stand outside Maasa’s window and sing You’re Beautiful. Trufax.
Yoshimi: THERE MUST BE AN ANGEL…
Yoshimi: WITH A SMILE ON HER FACE…
Yoshimi: WHEN SHE THOUGHT THAT I SHOULD BE WITH YOU

Thus, Sudou Maasa Mini-Pic Spam: The Musical was born. And it was a clear sign that I should’ve gone to bed hours ago.

You’re beautiful

You’re beautiful

You’re beautiful, it’s true

I saw your face in a crowded place

And I don’t know what to do

‘Cause I’ll never be with you. :(

… Yep.

Because some don’t seem to know how.

Okay, this is going to be a mad hatefest on AKB48’s Kasai Tomomi. I don’t really want to tear her to shreds because I’m sure she’s a good person (and I definitely don’t want her rabid fans coming after me), but I need to get it out of my system before I track the girl down and personally punch her in the stomach. You can also take this as an introduction to some of the more awesome stage performances. Some of which Kasai has murdered.

AN INTRODUCTION: Kasai Tomomi. Fifteen years old. Sole hobby is “going to the movies with her mother.” God, look at what a woobie this girl is! The worst part is that she is exactly one day older than me. One day. And she acts like this, all miserable and whiny and “plz love me!!!!!” ALL THE TIME. This fact pretty much makes me want to slap her the most out of everything.

but then, edited for the lulz! I saw the Boku no Taiyou PV. “Kasai in twintails?” I said to myself. (Fetish central!) “Do I have to like her now?” Silence. “Well, up to #46 she goes, then.”

Let’s start with her seriously maiming one of my favorite songs ever, Kinjirareta Futari! Oshima Yuko = good singer. Kasai Tomomi = a girl with actual talent who would rather put her voice at an insufferable pitch to sound cute. This is not a good pairing.

This, however, is! Would you seriously believe me if I told you that the first girl, Takahashi Minami, only just turned sixteen in April? That’s because she’s, you know, mature. Sorry, Kasai, you just fail.

This is where Kasai gained some points with me. It’s not easy to rock that song out in full gothic lolita gear. Masuda Yuka, the center, totally outshines her, but she does that to everyone. And I give Ohori Megumi, one of my current favorites, a lot of points for doing as well as she did as Umeda Ayaka’s fill-in. But this song, you kind of are supposed to rock out, not just barely peek out from under your stupid overlong fringe the whole time. And then Kasai plummeted back down to the very bottom of my AKB48 ranking list, and that’s, yeah, forty-eight girls. Oku with the monster hair ranks above her. That’s just sad.

Not only is she moderately bad all on her own, she’s a goddamn VIRUS. Look at what she did to beautiful Yuko’s voice just being in the same unit with her! Umeda came up and pwned her. Kana came up and pwned her and girl can’t sing. This isn’t supposed to happen. Yuko pulls this stupid cutesy thing often now as well, and I absolutely hate it, because she’s a gorgeous, talented girl and I don’t want to throw her down the list to #47. With Oku above her.

Kasai has been with AKB48 for, I’m guessing, about two years now. The whole “oh please take care of me, I’m tiny and fragile and so very cute!” act is fucking old. She just never looks like she’s enjoying herself, and I think, “Poor put-upon Kasai, you… won the Team K auditions and are one of the most popular members in the entire group. What’s your bitch again?” You’ve heard her singing voice now and her speaking voice is exactly the same. Honey, everyone can tell it’s fake, just give up right now.

I like a lot of cutesy idols and I know putting on an act is all part of their job. But girls like Michishige Sayumi (best example there is!) are confident in their cuteness and that’s exactly what makes it work. Kasai is just “PLEASE TELL ME I’M CUTE PLEASE TELL ME I’M CUTE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP DOUSED IN SUGAR AND STUFF THAT’LL GIVE YOU CAVITIES,” 24/7, and if she won’t stand up for herself then I don’t really want to coddle her by being a fan.

Now have someone way more adorable than her, with a lot more charm and a lot more potential.

I have made an epic observation.

Okay, so at pretty much all idol concerts, there will be the obligatory photos on sale. AKB48 is no different! And it kind of pains me to think of how many tables photo sets for forty-eight girls must occupy. But anyway, I’ve noticed something odd about AKB48’s photos, in comparison to their “rival” group, Hello! Project’s: The quality.

I don’t mean the quality of the photos themselves (though whoever their photographers are, they need to be fired, regardless), I mean how they fare once they’ve been bought. In all the scans I’ve seen of H!P’s photos, they’ve been in perfect, pristine condition. AKB48’s, on the other hand, are always all beaten up. Damn, treat the ladies nicely.

This one, though, completely takes the cake.

I brightened the image, obviously, but just pay attention to the circled part. Um… What exactly is that? D: I know Sato Natsuki is hot shit, but please wait until after you’ve scanned it, thanks. I don’t want to see that. Even poor Nacchi is looking at the mess in disgust. (Actually, that’s more like her sexy face, but work with me.)

I just wanted to make some icons. ;_;

Okay, I hate to be the “Won’t someone please think of children?” asshat, because… come on. I’m in AKB48 territory now, and we all know what that entails. And all young idols… grow… I suppose.

…BUT ERENA ;O;

What’s that supposed to be, anyway? Loli cleavage? Is Up to Boy trying to chronicle her adventures in puberty?! I NEED ANSWERS D:

YEAH. Please, no more of that business.

MICHISHIGE SAYUMI. Look what you’ve done to me.

Purchases: Sayu’s upcoming Love-Hello! DVD and that Hello Hello! thing with the sixth generation from, like, 2003. Collectively, I will call them… SAYU THEN AND NOW!

Saving grace: A five dollar coupon I got from my last Play-Asia order. … I still went over by fifteen dollars.

All idols besides Sayu, please do not expect me to do this for you every year, thanks. Sayu, singing horrors aside, you are a beautiful goddess and totally deserve to have eighty dollars spent on you every time your birthday rolls around.

*dances*