Because some don’t seem to know how.

Okay, this is going to be a mad hatefest on AKB48’s Kasai Tomomi. I don’t really want to tear her to shreds because I’m sure she’s a good person (and I definitely don’t want her rabid fans coming after me), but I need to get it out of my system before I track the girl down and personally punch her in the stomach. You can also take this as an introduction to some of the more awesome stage performances. Some of which Kasai has murdered.

AN INTRODUCTION: Kasai Tomomi. Fifteen years old. Sole hobby is “going to the movies with her mother.” God, look at what a woobie this girl is! The worst part is that she is exactly one day older than me. One day. And she acts like this, all miserable and whiny and “plz love me!!!!!” ALL THE TIME. This fact pretty much makes me want to slap her the most out of everything.

but then, edited for the lulz! I saw the Boku no Taiyou PV. “Kasai in twintails?” I said to myself. (Fetish central!) “Do I have to like her now?” Silence. “Well, up to #46 she goes, then.”

Let’s start with her seriously maiming one of my favorite songs ever, Kinjirareta Futari! Oshima Yuko = good singer. Kasai Tomomi = a girl with actual talent who would rather put her voice at an insufferable pitch to sound cute. This is not a good pairing.

This, however, is! Would you seriously believe me if I told you that the first girl, Takahashi Minami, only just turned sixteen in April? That’s because she’s, you know, mature. Sorry, Kasai, you just fail.

This is where Kasai gained some points with me. It’s not easy to rock that song out in full gothic lolita gear. Masuda Yuka, the center, totally outshines her, but she does that to everyone. And I give Ohori Megumi, one of my current favorites, a lot of points for doing as well as she did as Umeda Ayaka’s fill-in. But this song, you kind of are supposed to rock out, not just barely peek out from under your stupid overlong fringe the whole time. And then Kasai plummeted back down to the very bottom of my AKB48 ranking list, and that’s, yeah, forty-eight girls. Oku with the monster hair ranks above her. That’s just sad.

Not only is she moderately bad all on her own, she’s a goddamn VIRUS. Look at what she did to beautiful Yuko’s voice just being in the same unit with her! Umeda came up and pwned her. Kana came up and pwned her and girl can’t sing. This isn’t supposed to happen. Yuko pulls this stupid cutesy thing often now as well, and I absolutely hate it, because she’s a gorgeous, talented girl and I don’t want to throw her down the list to #47. With Oku above her.

Kasai has been with AKB48 for, I’m guessing, about two years now. The whole “oh please take care of me, I’m tiny and fragile and so very cute!” act is fucking old. She just never looks like she’s enjoying herself, and I think, “Poor put-upon Kasai, you… won the Team K auditions and are one of the most popular members in the entire group. What’s your bitch again?” You’ve heard her singing voice now and her speaking voice is exactly the same. Honey, everyone can tell it’s fake, just give up right now.

I like a lot of cutesy idols and I know putting on an act is all part of their job. But girls like Michishige Sayumi (best example there is!) are confident in their cuteness and that’s exactly what makes it work. Kasai is just “PLEASE TELL ME I’M CUTE PLEASE TELL ME I’M CUTE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP DOUSED IN SUGAR AND STUFF THAT’LL GIVE YOU CAVITIES,” 24/7, and if she won’t stand up for herself then I don’t really want to coddle her by being a fan.

Now have someone way more adorable than her, with a lot more charm and a lot more potential.